Health Care Advice
Tater Gumfries

How to make some good cheap health care

by Tater Gumfries

Folks seem to be balkin at what some of em are callin Obamacare, so in the spirit of Americanism, Tater's offerin this well thought out alternative healthcare plan. Only the most successful surgeries, drugs, and preventive care procedures is covered. Don't like it, don't buy it.

$50 a month per person, take it or leave it. No taxes, no forced insurance, no copay.

Here's what it covers. No substitutions. No whinin, no beggin.

Preventive care

1. All childhood immunizations
2. Flu shots
3. Tetanus shots when you need em
4. Classes in healthy eatin and cookin
5. Child raisin classes
6. Drug quittin classes

Surgical procedures

1. Tonsillectomy
2. Gallbladder Removal
3. Caesarean Section
4. Joint Replacements
5. Mastectomy
6. Colectomy
7. Hysterectomy
8. Fracture repair
9. Appendectomy
10. Prostate Surgery
11. Hemorrhoidectomy
12. Breast Biopsies
13. Carpal Tunnel Surgery
14. Hernia repairs
15. Cancer cuttin
16. Cancer biopsies

No transplants, period.

Emergency room treatment

1. Stop the bleedin
2. Start that heart up agin
3. Pump that stomach
4. Pop that eye, shoulder, fingerbone back in


1. Diabetes drugs
2. Antibiotics

Eye care

1. One eye exam a year
2. One pair of glasses, every two years


1. Yearly tooth cleaning, by a tech, then a quick look-see by the doc
2. Tooth gluin if they's broke
3. Real basic cavity fixin, done by a tech

Mental health

1. Consultation with a counsellor
2. Antidepressants
3. Antipsychotics