Wine Advice
Bo Coogan

The White Zinfandel Story

The way Bo hears it, them Californians been making good solid red zinfandel for a lot of years, when all of a sudden they had them a huge crop, more grapes than they could possibly sell as real read wine. So some of em got together and said "Let's make a sweet pink wine outa these here, cause the marketing boys tell us that that's what Americans want to drink."

And they was right. America fell for it. Fell for it hard. That was around the time that "fern bars" was gettin popular. The yuppies, they's the folks figured out how to make money in the city without no hard work, they gobbled it up, so's that every time you go into that restaurant or bar and order you a zinfandel, that pretty little waitress, you know the one, got that mole on her neck, and one boob's just a little bigger than the other, just enough so you notice, but she's pretty and she's used to fellers starin at her chest so she don't know you're starin tryin to figure out if you're right and they really is different sizes, but you look up and notice she's got that weddin ring on? Well, anyways, she ain't never heard of no red zinfandel so she brings you a glass of that sweet pink stuff and you have to send it back and she starts a cryin about how her boss is goin to fire her if she gets one more drink order wrong, and you say "OK, I'll keep this one, Kristie" and she goes off and she ain't cryin no more? and her boss pats her on the ass as she goes back behind the bar and you realize you got snookerd, cause she's doin him and ain't no way he'd fire her nohow?

Anyway, folks took to thinkin that your zinfandel wine was sweet pink wine, and so there wasn't enough grapes after that for both and they started usin most of the zinfandel grapes to make the sweet stuff and shortchanged the red stuff which is why they always get your order wrong.

So that's the story about your pink zinfandel, which they call white zinfandel so you thinkin you gettin a regular wine, except there ain't no real white zinfandel like there is a white Burgundy, which is a real wine that Bo recommends. So if you want some of that Burgundy that's kind of a clear yellow and tastes real good, you come on down to the Little Brown Jug Wine Beer and Liquor on 6th and Wooley up in Humbert, right across from the Piggly Wiggly.

So that's Bo's wine suggestion for the week -- don't order no zinfandel less you make it real clear that you want the real red stuff and could you see the bottle first before they open it or pour you a glass cause you don't want to pay for none of that pink mouthwash they call white zinfandel, that ain't even  white or even yellow.