Kern's Holler Contrarian Opinion

Dear Body: Sorry about that.

Hey, butt -- sorry Tater let you get so big. It ain't you... it's Tater.

And you knees; you done your best, but all that runnin up and down them stairs busted you up good. Truth is, Tater coulda gone one stair at a time, but he was young and full of spunk.

Now, you fingers was doin OK until a year ago. Used to be your knuckles'd crack when Tater cracked you. Now you crack if Tater just makes a fist. And how'd you get so fat? Damn. Hope Tater don't have to whup nobody. That's gonna hurt this time.

Listen up, hair. Tater always took care of you. Never set you on fire, never got you caught in the combine, washed you, fed you, let you set up on Tater's scalp, so where the hell you off to so early?

You teeth there, what's left of you, Tater's grateful for doin all that chewin. Tater loves his food too much to live on mashed carrots and milk. Just hang on. Help's on the way.

Ahhh, Tater's belly. Thanks for takin over the leadership role from the penis. We was rudderless for a while there.

As for the rest of you, at ease. Tater's havin a beer.