Kern's Holler Contrarian Opinion


Folks seem to be balkin at what some of em are callin Obamacare, so in the spirit of Americanism, Tater's offerin this well thought out alternative healthcare plan. Only the most successful surgeries, drugs, and preventive care procedures is covered. Don't like it, don't buy it.

$50 a month per person, take it or leave it. No taxes, no forced insurance, no copay. You want more? Tater's got $75 and $100 a month plans with extra coverage.

Here's what the basic $50 plan covers. No substitutions. No whinin, no beggin.

Preventive care

1. All childhood immunizations
2. Flu shots
3. Tetanus shots when you need em
4. Classes in healthy eatin and cookin
5. Child raisin classes
6. Drug quittin classes
7. Preventive screenin like
  a. breast exams
  b. PAP smears
  c. colonoscopy
  d. blood pressure screenin
  e. cholesterol and them glycerides

Surgical procedures

1. Tonsillectomy
2. Gallbladder removal
3. Caesarean section
4. Tubal ligation
5. Mastectomy
6. Colectomy
7. Hysterectomy
8. Fracture repair
9. Appendectomy
10. Prostate surgery
11. Hemorrhoidectomy
12. Breast biopsies
13. Carpal tunnel surgery
14. Hernia repairs
15. Cancer cuttin
16. Cancer biopsies
17. Vasectomy

No transplants, period.

Emergency room treatment

1. Stop the bleedin
2. Start that heart up agin
3. Pump that stomach
4. Pop that eye, shoulder, fingerbone back in
5. Sew up them holes
6. Put a cast on there


1. Diabetes drugs
2. Antibiotics
3. Pain medication
4. Blood pressure drugs

Eye care

1. One eye exam a year for younguns,
    every three years for growed ups
2. One pair of glasses, every two years


1. Yearly tooth cleaning by a tech, then a quick look-see by the doc
2. Tooth gluin if they's broke
3. Real basic cavity fixin

Mental health

1. Consultation with a counsellor
2. Antidepressants
3. Antipsychotics

That's it.

Now, would you pay for a health plan that had a list like this?

Tater would.

Way Tater figures it, you got somethin ain't on the list, you too out of the ordinary.

Pay for it your own self.