Kern's Holler Contrarian Opinion

The economic impact of zombies

Commentary by softsofa

Zombie-Americans are the group that will allow Obama to achieve his
America-changing goals on time and under budget;

1.) Socialized medicine.  Zombies don't need no stinkin' medicine.

2.) Energy policy based on global warming.  Zombies don't need
warming.  Or cars.  Or lights.

3.) Improving education through increased spending.  Zombies want
brains, not education.

4.) Reducing military spending.  Zombies take a lot more killing than
the living, greatly reducing the need for replacements and the costs
associated with them.  And it goes without saying that dead soldiers
are no longer an issue.

5.)  Clean environment.  Zombies are the dirtiest things in the
environment so everything's clean to them.

6.)  Racism.   Zombies treat all living equally in spite of the living
profiling and stereotyping them.

7.) Debt.  Zombies own nothing, so they don't need to borrow.  

8.) Adequate food, clothes and housing.  Food?  Brains.  Clothes? What
they were buried in.  Housing?  Inside or out; it's all the same to

As you can clearly see, Zombie rights are the foundation upon which
Obama's entire agenda can be successfully built.  Cast aside your
preconceived notions and embrace your inner zombie.