Your Walmart Topsoil Ain't as Good as your Ace Topsoil

Author: Tater Gumfries

Abstract: Your Walmart topsoil ain't as good as your Ace topsoil. We bought some of each and took a good close look. You can tell just by the smell that the Walmart ain't as good, but we was fair and all.

Everybody knows you need good topsoil to grow tomaters, so this Sunday past Tater had to go out and get him some topsoil. He's got about a hunnert or so tomaters and peppers sproutin in some cardboard wine doolies he fetched from the Piggly Wiggly up in Humbert, and it'll be time to put them in soon enough.

Anyways, Tater was down to the Walmart and he run into Leroy, who was pickin up some wine and Huggies. Leroy he starts a laughing when he sees Tater's got a couple dozen bags of topsoil in the back, and he says "Tater, doncha know that Walmart stuff is just cow manure and sand? That Ace topsoil, now that's a topsoil," he says. Bullshit, Tater told him. It's all the same.

Well, Leroy he wasn't having none of it, and he bet ol Tater twenty dollars that the Ace was a lot better topsoil, so it was settled. We had to go down to the Ace and pick up a dozen of those. And we did.

We carted all them bags up to the fence and dropped em over. A couple of them bust open, so me and Leroy took a good look at that topsoil, and ya know what? Leroy was right. The Ace topsoil was dark and fine and didn't stink none, but the Walmart topsoil smelled just like manure. It was kinda light colored with lots of little sticks and there was some fur and a couple of bones in one of the bags.

Tater hates it when Leroy is right, but this here is science, so we's honor bound to tell the truth. The Walmart topsoil is good for filldirt, but not much else, while the Ace is about as fine a topsoil as ol Tater ever seen.

Note added in press:

But Tater ain't never paying Leroy no $20.