Today's feature: The Doc Martian poetry slam!
Grasping desperately at straws
from soda cups with greasy claws
unwashed hands tapping the keys
and wiping stains upon his sleeve
"That is it! I'll take no more!"
"I will show them I am Epopt" he roared
"That is it! This is that!"
And he typed out the words "You are fat"
He guffawed, "that will get them good"
And he settled into a gluttonous mood
Decide to crawl upstairs
To see what treats Mommy had up there
Those stairs took a while to scale
Creaking as each foot did fell
The railing grips with firm resolve
To ensure against impending fall
Yet the unwashed slime upon his hands
(with virii that would take out a lessor man)
Had such a lubricating effect
As he tripped over his pants
that were soaked with sweat
For such a climb was quite hard work
He'd only eaten 4 times this hour
and skipped desert
He tried to regain his misplaced step
But his attempts were met with no effect
A crash! A crack! A thud! A moan!
A breathless pause and then a groan!
He found himself upon the floor
And staring at the distant door
he cried for help from dear old Mother
Be then he recalled, just like his brother
that she was gone he was alone,
He could call for help on the telephone
But instead he would call for domino's
to deliver food to the basement window
he could pay with his late mums credit card
To be paid off with SSI checks from afar.
Then return to his excrement stain seat
to dole out his punishments on the weak
to save the world as epopts do
From mean old stang, and the mean old jews
Oh what a failure to be seen
He must retort to those who mean
him harm in his fight for the middle east
Who dare to stop the great hambeast
Manboobs Neckbeard Fly away!
To live to fight another day!
Ego bruised only one resort
To use his most oft used retort
"FAT! BIG HEAD! STUPID! I WIN!
Post them fast! Post them again!
Mean old Stang he kicked me out!
But He is weak against Epopt Clout!"
"Never you mind its not my group
Stealing ideas is my strong suit
But its not stealing I shall provide proof
Or not, perhaps I will be aloof"
"My lack of logic is not disputed
I will spit out garble firmly rooted
In my desire to to avoid the facts
that point out just what I lack"
"My mommy loved my brother best
But too late now, he's laid to rest
She has to cater to ME ME ME
I am the SURVIVOR! Dont you see"
"So give up now, and stop you jabs
All you do is make me mad
I will show you this very day
I am HIGH EPOPT listen to what I say"
"Or I will tell Mommy on you."
When we consider how poor Kevin's life is spent
Fantasizing bold adventure while he naps inside
Arousing meager member with a tube of astroglide
While up above his mother scuffles for the rent,
We wonder, does he truly think his life is heaven sent?
Without mom's help, would he in shiftless sloth abide?
Or would he badger other kin, demanding a free ride?
We wonder, not too often, and not to great extent.
When ma called down "I'm goin out -- there anything you need?"
Was Kevin just too drunk to raise his head up from his dimpled chest?
When he scrapes up the nacho sauce remaining on his plate
To lubricate his palm as he begins again to rouse his seed,
For some Del Taco counter girl who, he remembers, showed some breast:
We wonder, were we in his shoes, would this also be our fate?