BIOU stories
Bob Dean had a pocket full of allowance money, and he couldn't wait to spend some of it. The first thing he bought was a large soft serve chocolate ice cream cone, which he sat eating on a park bench. But it was a hot day, and he had barely a few licks before the entire blob of ice cream slid off the cone, and landed in his lap, staining his khakis an unfortunate sludgy color!
"Bob Dean! Your ice cream cone has melted! How unfortunate!" I said.
"Perhaps," said Bob Dean.
Moments later, a large unleashed German Shepherd came walking up to us, and seeing the mess in Bob Dean's pants, leaped up and began furiously licking at his crotch. Bob Dean pitched a once in a lifetime tent as the dog went to work, licking up the entire mess. He was writhing in happiness, and his pants were getting cleaned at the same time, so I figured all was well. "Good thing that dog came along," I said to Bob Dean.
"Perhaps," he replied.
The dog ate up all the ice cream, and, as dogs will sometimes do, became frustrated when it was gone. It started getting pretty aggressive with the man's khakis, and eventually just chomped a painful looking mouth full of his crotch, shaking its head violently like a crocodile. Bob Dean howled in agony and jumped to his feet, but the Shepherd was not giving up his goodies. It dragged him about thirty feet, yanking, and wrenching, and spazzing its muscular head. "Bob Dean! Your johnson's getting mangled! This is a terrible upset to an otherwise pleasant day!"
"Perhaps," he whimpered.
Bob Dean had to have extensive reconstructive surgery to his penile area. They reattached the bulk of it but he was left with a weird
little nub that would never work properly again. The worst part was breaking the news to Bob Dean that his days of entering his wife's frosty love-hole were over. "This must be very hard news to bear, Bob Dean," I said to him.
He bolted out of his bed and did a jubilant dance right out of the hospital, confetti literally shooting out of his ass. To this day, I don't know why he had confetti in his ass. He must have been holding out for some good news.