Bizzarro Purple's Tales #4



The Adventures of Tater

There was once upon a time a far-sighted, crafty peasant whose tricks were much talked about on alt.slack, named Tater. The best story, however, is how he once got hold of Rod Cypher, and made a fool of him.

Tater had one day been working in his field down to the Holler, and as twilight had set in, was making ready for the journey home, when he saw a heap of burning coals in the middle of his field. When, full of astonishment, he went up to it, a little black devil named Rod Cypher was sitting on the live coals.

"Are you sitting upon a treasure?" said Tater.

"Yes, in truth." replied Rod Cypher, "on a treasure which contains more Dextromethorphan than you have ever seen in your life."

"The treasure lies in my field and belongs to me." said Tater.

"It is yours," answered Rod Cypher, "if you will for two years give me one half of everything your field produces. Cough syrup I have enough, but I have a desire for the fruits of the earth."

Old Tater agreed to the bargain. In order, however, that no dispute may arise about the division, said he, "Everything that is above ground shall belong to you, and what is under the earth to me."

Rod Cypher was quite satisfied with that, but the cunning peasant had sown turnips.

Now when the time for harvest came, Rod Cypher appeared and wanted to take away his crop.  But he found nothing but the yellow withered leaves, while Tater, full of delight, was digging up his turnips.

"You have had the best of it for once," said Rod Cypher, "but the next time that won't do. What grows above ground shall be yours, and what is under it, mine."

"I am willing." replied Tater.

But when the time came to sow, he did not again sow turnips, but wheat. The grain became ripe, and Tater went into the field and cut the full stalks down to the ground. When Rod Cypher came, he found nothing but the stubble, and went away in a fury down into a cleft in the rocks back to Pittsburgh.

"That is the way to cheat the devil!" said Tater, and went and fetched away the treasure.


The End?