Fairy Tale Friday 38
Richard Skull reads the story to you!
All of the animals in the forest were on
edge, because Bear was in a Bad Mood.
Nobody could approach to ask why, because when they did, he would tear them to pieces and fling their entrails from his cave. A pile of squirrel heads and bluebird chunks littered the entrance. The smell was disgusting. So the animals called a meeting to discuss what was to be done.
"Perhaps he is in a bad mood because he hasn't been fucking enough," suggested Rabbit, to the disdain of all present, for it was well known that Rabbit could not keep his johnson under wraps if his life depended on it, and believed it was the answer to all of his problems.
"I think not," said Owl, flipping aside the tassel on his graduation cap. "It is MY sincere belief that he is frustrated, because he is stupid and ignorant."
Aardvark rolled his eyes. "You say that about everybody. When sniffing for juicy, delicious ants I noticed that Bear's droppings have been smeary and caked with hair. That is the problem."
Fox, who was even cleverer than Owl, spoke. "It is true that shit has been sticking to his fur. I will go to Bear's cave and solve this." Since they were all sick of being murdered, they agreed that Fox should go.
So he went to the cave, and said, "Bear, I know that you are in a bad mood because shit sticks to your fur. If you will promise not to rip my face to pieces, I will help you." He could hear Bear weeping inside, and knew the diagnosis was true. Bear's rump was caked with filth, and his ass hole was inflamed and sore.
"It is because your ass is too close to the ground," said Fox. "Today is your lucky day, as I am a Bear Emergency Asshole Relocator, and I can redirect your intestines so your ass hole will be higher up. No more shit on your fur! No more infected rectum!"
Bear was overjoyed, and allowed Fox to inject him with Hibernol.
Hours later, Fox returned to the Animal Meeting dressed in a bloody apron and gore-clotted green rubber gloves. "Bad news," he said. "Bear died on the operating table."
Everyone cheered! Because nobody really cared whether the shit stuck to Bear's fur, or where his asshole was, as long as they weren't having their guts smeared across his cave wall. Animals are motherfuckers.
The end! Happy Friday!
Nobody could approach to ask why, because when they did, he would tear them to pieces and fling their entrails from his cave. A pile of squirrel heads and bluebird chunks littered the entrance. The smell was disgusting. So the animals called a meeting to discuss what was to be done.
"Perhaps he is in a bad mood because he hasn't been fucking enough," suggested Rabbit, to the disdain of all present, for it was well known that Rabbit could not keep his johnson under wraps if his life depended on it, and believed it was the answer to all of his problems.
"I think not," said Owl, flipping aside the tassel on his graduation cap. "It is MY sincere belief that he is frustrated, because he is stupid and ignorant."
Aardvark rolled his eyes. "You say that about everybody. When sniffing for juicy, delicious ants I noticed that Bear's droppings have been smeary and caked with hair. That is the problem."
Fox, who was even cleverer than Owl, spoke. "It is true that shit has been sticking to his fur. I will go to Bear's cave and solve this." Since they were all sick of being murdered, they agreed that Fox should go.
So he went to the cave, and said, "Bear, I know that you are in a bad mood because shit sticks to your fur. If you will promise not to rip my face to pieces, I will help you." He could hear Bear weeping inside, and knew the diagnosis was true. Bear's rump was caked with filth, and his ass hole was inflamed and sore.
"It is because your ass is too close to the ground," said Fox. "Today is your lucky day, as I am a Bear Emergency Asshole Relocator, and I can redirect your intestines so your ass hole will be higher up. No more shit on your fur! No more infected rectum!"
Bear was overjoyed, and allowed Fox to inject him with Hibernol.
Hours later, Fox returned to the Animal Meeting dressed in a bloody apron and gore-clotted green rubber gloves. "Bad news," he said. "Bear died on the operating table."
Everyone cheered! Because nobody really cared whether the shit stuck to Bear's fur, or where his asshole was, as long as they weren't having their guts smeared across his cave wall. Animals are motherfuckers.
The end! Happy Friday!