Tales from the Skull #1

Joseph and the Technicolor Microdot

Jacob had eleven sons when he knocked up his secretary. He named the bastard Benjamin. Of his other sons, he hated them all! Rotten Bastards! All of them except for Joseph; Jacob tolerated Joseph
because he would snitch on his older brothers, let Jacob read his porn magazines, and keep them kids off his lawn!

So Jacob gave a Joseph a really wild looking Zoot Suit! It was all the colors of the rainbow! And one day, Jacob sent Joseph out to find his older brothers, who were supposed to be tending the flocks off in Hackensack. Joseph was to give a message to his brothers telling them not to fuck the sheep so much.

So off Joseph went and on the way he meet a tall strangely dress man smoking a pipe. It was J.R. “Bob” Dobbs. “Bob” asked Joseph if he wanted some magic beans, but Joseph said no. Then “Bob” asked Joseph if he wanted to buy a bridge in Brooklyn, or some land in Florida. Again Joseph did not fall for the bait.

Finally, “Bob” offered Joseph a small square of paper, with a small printed drawing of a star on it.

“What is that?” asked Joseph.

“It’s the Amazing Technicolor Microdot!” replied “Bob”, “it will get you tripping!”

“Well, I am on a long trip, so maybe this Microdot thing will help me get there faster”

Giving “Bob” his 30 Sheckles, Joseph placed the Microdot on his tongue, and was soon transported to another world! A world of color and sound, a world of lights, giant goats and talking Hedgehogs!

As Joseph continued down the road, he was amazed by all the colors he heard and the sounds he saw. He had a vision of everyone bowing to him as a King. And as King, he lived in Graceland, and would die on the toilet! This dream made Joseph hungry for a hunk-a, hunk-a bucket of fried chicken.

Joseph’s ten brothers saw him coming down the road, his colorful Zoot Suit visible miles away! Joseph’s oldest brother, Glenn, said, “Shit here come rainbow boy!”

The next brother, Rush, said, “I know, lets mug him and blame it on Jews and Blacks!”

So all the brothers hid behind a rock, and Joseph came stumbling down the road, singing Hendricks tunes. As he passed the rock, the brother’s jumped out!

Joseph, seeing ten large fat purple things in Papa John’s Uniforms tried to run; but was soon on the ground getting the shit beaten out of him.

The Brothers took Joseph and sold him to a near by Pig Farm. Later that day, they went home and told Jacob how Joseph was mugged and raped over and over by bands of Mexicans for seven years.

Jacob just shrugged and said, “Big deal. I was tired of that little
kiss ass anyway. Hey who wants scrapple?”