What God Done
On the first day, God created man in his own image, and gave unto him an appetite, and boredom.
On the second day, God created deli meats, and He saw that they were tasty. Yum.
On the third day, God created the sandwich, and He gave it unto man and said, "eat of this, for this contains lean protein and vegetable toppings, which are good for your digestive tract. Eat thee not an abundance of chips with this sandwich, or thou shalt become fat and ungainly, and the ladies will not suck thy cock with enthusiasm."
On the fourth day, God created colossal squids, so that man may be entertained, and adequately scared of the ocean.
On the fifth day, God created television and the intarnets, so that man may see things without experiencing them, and so that he may meet other men and women without knowing them, and so that he may make up stories about his sex life for strangers, without impressing them.
On the sixth day, God created beetus, to haunt the man with a fear of needals, and also because it is lonely in Heavan, and He longed for an army of fat, footless followers, and he taunteth man with the notions of cakes, and Junior Mints, and Cadbury Creme Eggs which the man may no longer have.
On the seventh day, he rested, and he has not stopped resting since.