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SERMON!!! WWJD? JWSTFU. LOL.


Good morning, sinners. Creflo A. Dollar here.

Oh, what's that? Someone's cell phone is ringing. It's okay, you just go ahead and get that. I'll wait. THE LORD will wait, right here in His own house.

He just created you. Moulded you in his own image. Gave you life, a soul, this beautiful Sunday morning. He can wait a few minutes while you answer that call. HE's got forever.

BUT YOU DO NOT.

I see y'all out there every day, those dongleberry eyephones stuck to ya heads. Callin' ya FRIENDS. TEXTING ya girls. TALKIN' THAT DIRTY TRASH. What y'all talkin about all damn day? Can't be THAT much to say anymore. And y'all don't ever have to stop, because those contraptions are always with you.

You know who else is always with you? The BEAST.

He's IN those devices. Fillin' yo head with words and brain rot. Satan's rays of plutonium lightning cancer, shooting into yo earhole, day and night, night and day. This is why y'all need that medicinal marijuana.

Jesus didn't HAVE a cell phone. When Jesus had something to say, he stood on a mountaintop and waited for someone to tell it to. And GOD rewarded him, by allowing Him to speak directly to our hearts. Jesus has an unlimited call plan STRAIGHT TO YOUR SOUL.

So who is on the other end of that phone, giving you head rot, thumb strain, eye drain, jaw fatigue? It ain't Jesus, sinners. He's the hotline to eternity.

So the next time you're thinking of picking up that cell phone, I want you to think of ME, Creflo A. Dollar, and RESIST that darkness. That screen is a window to hell. Just STFU, sinners. Do it for God.

The sermon is ended, go in peace.