Preachin Rev Fwap Cowcatcher 2

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Sermon for St. Aleister Crowley's day

by Rev. Fwap Cowcatcher

IT IS WRITTEN:

"That, upon the 4th of September, 1851, at 9.30 a. m., he had seen a host of self-luminous bodies, passing the field of his telescope, some slowly and some rapidly. They appeared to occupy a zone several degrees in breadth. The direction of most of them was due east to west, but some moved from north to south. The numbers were tremendous. They were observed for six hours."

There is magic in the world.

Yes, magic is real, and it will fuck you up.

Not "Magick" which is the work of painted fools with mouths reeking of anal bleach, and will not concern us here, nor the half-assed leechcraft, meticulously aquired
besserwisserness and expensiely arranged radiation burns of the natural sciences.

Real magic, the kind that Real Human Beings believe in. The one that comes leaking like pus out of human relations whenever and wherever they are strained.

You have to believe in Real Magic to be a Real Human Being. The SubGenius, being excluded from that particular congregation, is in a unique position to observe here.

I said that magic will fuck you up; that's because Real
Human Beings do not act according to what is Real and True. Or even according to what's really true. They make their choices based on what they believe to be Real and True, and fuck the consequences.

Magic will make you leap off tall buildings, and face the punishment of the Great Spirit when you splash into the ground. If you won't trust the Great Spirit, someone will trust it for you.

Magic will take away your chemo and cure your cancer with vitamin C and nutmeg, even when God hates you so much he makes you die anyway.

Magic will miraculously make you give birth to your rapist's
child.

Magic will rid you of any inconvenient senior citizen you happen to need to be rid of in a hurry, and incidentally burn your grandmother alive.

And worst of the many, many much worse things the Con has in store for you, MAGIC WILL TAKE YOUR SLACK!!!!

Suffer not a witch to live, because magic will fuck you up the ass so hard you can taste it.

But the ultimate secret of magic is this: "Any cunt could do it". If you can't beat'em, join'em. So "Bob" help me!

They want'em? Give'em those Dobbshead medicine candy bags! They will PAY to know what they really think! I tell you this, for I have the power of the Ancient DobbsCo Runes, inscribed right here on this keyboard! Get HARD with Reverend Cowcatcher's vodun lwa powders tonight! And if you'll buy that bridge, I'll sell you these wands of fireballs to burn it with! Praise St. Crowley and his more than 9000 virgins! Praise his giant italian villa! Praise his many fine vehicles of transportation! IA IA CTHULUHU FTHAGN!!!