Fairy Tale Friday 15
Once
upon a time, in the kitchen of a quaint little Mexican restaurant, a
tiny, withered Abuelita and her ancient Esposo sat, frying tortillas
for their evening meal.
Abuelita pressed out the dough and dropped it into the pan, piece by piece, and as she dropped the last blob in to fry, she noticed that it looked like a little round man, with a fat little belly and a tiny bean head.
"!Ay, Dios!" she exclaimed. "!Eres Nachito Gordo!" she said, and went to flip him off the pan. But as she did so, he leapt to his feet and scampered across the kitchen table to the sill of a nearby open window.
"Andale! Andale! Y00 are so st00pit!
I'm Nacheeto Gordo!
Yer HIGH Epoopit!"
And he jumped out the window and ran off into the darkness.
Nachito Gordo had limited sentience, and he staggered through the grass following the scent of delicious re-fried beans and hot, melted cheese. After a few minutes of walking, he came across a squawking crow.
"Hello, Nachito!" said the crow. "I am Schizocrow! I don't belong in this story because I don't hang around the barrio much anymore, but you sure look tasty! I believe that Mexicans are responsible for you, as they are for so much of the things that haunt my fantasies! I am going to eat you up!"
But Nachito Gordo stroked his cornmeal neckbeard and ran away singing:
"Ha, ha, Schizocrow
Y00 are a DORK!
Yew cain't catch me, I'm yer HIE EPORK!"
Something sure smelled delicious, though, and Nachito could not get the aroma out of his nose. However much he chased that floury dragon, still it eluded him. After a while, he came to a warty old frog,
plopped in a pile of scraps and regurgitated food. He saw Nachito, and an anthropomorphic tortilla was such a novel thing, he decided to claim it as his own. "Hello, Nachito!" he croaked. "I am Blob Spleen! I was just telling all my fans about my idea for a humanoid taco shell! I am going to absorb you into my repertoire!"
Nachito just tweaked the the tips of his flourboobs and laughed:
"Stupid old Bl0b Spl33n, Fraudulent N00b! Yew can't catch M3, I'm the HIGH EPUBE!"
And he ran off.
By now that smell was maddening, as if it filled his head, and the pulse beat in his ears with pure frantic fry-lust. He was quite beside himself, when he came upon Vulpes Humpus, the North American Red Fox, preening her shocking red hair under a tall, shadowy tree.
Seeing Nachito, she recognized easy prey (if an unsatisfying meal). She said nothing as he waddled up, breathing noisily.
"I ham Nachito Gordo!" he shrieked. "AND y0o are a big fat old LOL
LOL LOL!"
"So?" said the Fox, licking her paws.
"Y00 wanna EAT ME, sloppy tramp!" said Nachito, but the Fox just yawned. "You're nothing but lard and flakes," she said. "I'd rather not."
Nachito went berserk. "EAT ME EAT ME EAT ME! I HAF THA ALIENZ IN MY NUTSPAM! Y00 NEED MY ATTENSHUN, BITCHAZ! PAY ME MY EPLOOPT IN PORK
FRY! BOTTLED ANUS! RECTUM RACCOOOOON!"
And as his fits reached a climax, Vulpes Humpus lashed out, pinning him to the ground with her paw. "Now that I think about it, you might not be bad eatin'," she said, and sang:
"Nachito Gordo
Corny, greasy. Not much substance but you go down easy."
And Nachito recognized the haunting smell that had followed him all along. That salty, pasty, lingering aroma was his own blistered ass. Raising one pudgy fist slowly to his mouth, and eying the fox suspiciously, he took a tiny taste...
And that is how the clever fox got Nachito Gordo, the elusive kook of the Del Taco wasteland, to eat himself alive. First his arms, then his feet and legs, until nothing was left but the oval of his mouth, which the fox applied to the rim of her own butt hole, as a trophy of her accomplishment.
Abuelita pressed out the dough and dropped it into the pan, piece by piece, and as she dropped the last blob in to fry, she noticed that it looked like a little round man, with a fat little belly and a tiny bean head.
"!Ay, Dios!" she exclaimed. "!Eres Nachito Gordo!" she said, and went to flip him off the pan. But as she did so, he leapt to his feet and scampered across the kitchen table to the sill of a nearby open window.
"Andale! Andale! Y00 are so st00pit!
I'm Nacheeto Gordo!
Yer HIGH Epoopit!"
And he jumped out the window and ran off into the darkness.
Nachito Gordo had limited sentience, and he staggered through the grass following the scent of delicious re-fried beans and hot, melted cheese. After a few minutes of walking, he came across a squawking crow.
"Hello, Nachito!" said the crow. "I am Schizocrow! I don't belong in this story because I don't hang around the barrio much anymore, but you sure look tasty! I believe that Mexicans are responsible for you, as they are for so much of the things that haunt my fantasies! I am going to eat you up!"
But Nachito Gordo stroked his cornmeal neckbeard and ran away singing:
"Ha, ha, Schizocrow
Y00 are a DORK!
Yew cain't catch me, I'm yer HIE EPORK!"
Something sure smelled delicious, though, and Nachito could not get the aroma out of his nose. However much he chased that floury dragon, still it eluded him. After a while, he came to a warty old frog,
plopped in a pile of scraps and regurgitated food. He saw Nachito, and an anthropomorphic tortilla was such a novel thing, he decided to claim it as his own. "Hello, Nachito!" he croaked. "I am Blob Spleen! I was just telling all my fans about my idea for a humanoid taco shell! I am going to absorb you into my repertoire!"
Nachito just tweaked the the tips of his flourboobs and laughed:
"Stupid old Bl0b Spl33n, Fraudulent N00b! Yew can't catch M3, I'm the HIGH EPUBE!"
And he ran off.
By now that smell was maddening, as if it filled his head, and the pulse beat in his ears with pure frantic fry-lust. He was quite beside himself, when he came upon Vulpes Humpus, the North American Red Fox, preening her shocking red hair under a tall, shadowy tree.
Seeing Nachito, she recognized easy prey (if an unsatisfying meal). She said nothing as he waddled up, breathing noisily.
"I ham Nachito Gordo!" he shrieked. "AND y0o are a big fat old LOL
LOL LOL!"
"So?" said the Fox, licking her paws.
"Y00 wanna EAT ME, sloppy tramp!" said Nachito, but the Fox just yawned. "You're nothing but lard and flakes," she said. "I'd rather not."
Nachito went berserk. "EAT ME EAT ME EAT ME! I HAF THA ALIENZ IN MY NUTSPAM! Y00 NEED MY ATTENSHUN, BITCHAZ! PAY ME MY EPLOOPT IN PORK
FRY! BOTTLED ANUS! RECTUM RACCOOOOON!"
And as his fits reached a climax, Vulpes Humpus lashed out, pinning him to the ground with her paw. "Now that I think about it, you might not be bad eatin'," she said, and sang:
"Nachito Gordo
Corny, greasy. Not much substance but you go down easy."
And Nachito recognized the haunting smell that had followed him all along. That salty, pasty, lingering aroma was his own blistered ass. Raising one pudgy fist slowly to his mouth, and eying the fox suspiciously, he took a tiny taste...
And that is how the clever fox got Nachito Gordo, the elusive kook of the Del Taco wasteland, to eat himself alive. First his arms, then his feet and legs, until nothing was left but the oval of his mouth, which the fox applied to the rim of her own butt hole, as a trophy of her accomplishment.