Fairy Tale Friday 32
Once upon a
time, Elvis Presley hosted a dinner party at Graceland for Hannibal
Lecter and "Bob". To impress his guests and lend an air of
elegance (as was his style), he employed a staff of trained gorillas to
prepare and serve the meal. Left to their own discretion in the
kitchen, the gorillas made cheeseburgers.
This affair was the height of class. The gorillas wore tuxedos, and
the cheeseburgers were presented on gleaming silver platters with
ivory handles and leopard skin napkins trimmed with red velvet
fringe. A three-tiered naugahyde dessert tray bore stacks of
Twinkies, and Hostess Fruit Pies, and banana pudding cups. Hannibal and Elvis and "Bob" agreed that everything looked perfect.
But when Elvis removed his bun top to add more mayo to his Mega
Monkey Burger, the shock of what he beheld caused his tinted gold-rimmed monacle to fly out of his face! Hannibal and "Bob" gathered round to take a look.
A tear formed in Elvis's eye as his beloved departed mother, Gladys,
smiled serenely up from the mottled surface of the glistening beef
patty. "Mama," he whispered. "I live in a golden palace with a
staff of dressed up gorillas. I have a television in the bathroom, a sofa made of bacon, and a world of pharmaceuticals at my disposal. We can have meatloaf and pie for every meal, if you'll only come back to me, Mama."
At this, Hannibal whipped out a straight razor and sliced off the tip
of Elvis' nose in disgust. "You are an ignorant and crude buffoon,"
said Dr. Lecter. "That's not your MOTHER on that chunk of meat,
hillbilly. That is a flawless rendering of a steaming mass of human
entrails. Glossy and viscous, the succulent ropy coils of intestines
and the spongy delicacy of the kidney. Not the ridiculous cow who
spawned you, I am certain of this. Wouldn't you say so, "Bob"?"
But "Bob", who knew that people are hopeful in nature, and will see
anything they want to see when presented with an abstraction, had
wandered off to the kitchen and discovered the only inescapable
truth, the one hard fact that could not be denied or misinterpreted, no matter how much a weak willed human wanted to believe there was magic and potential in a slab of used beef...
And that was that the gorillas were all jacking off into the mayonnaise. "Someone should tell those guys it's just grillmarks.
But it's nice to see that all apes will behave within their natures
eventually," said "Bob", laughing, and dropped his trousers to join
the fun.
The end! Happy Friday!
This affair was the height of class. The gorillas wore tuxedos, and
the cheeseburgers were presented on gleaming silver platters with
ivory handles and leopard skin napkins trimmed with red velvet
fringe. A three-tiered naugahyde dessert tray bore stacks of
Twinkies, and Hostess Fruit Pies, and banana pudding cups. Hannibal and Elvis and "Bob" agreed that everything looked perfect.
But when Elvis removed his bun top to add more mayo to his Mega
Monkey Burger, the shock of what he beheld caused his tinted gold-rimmed monacle to fly out of his face! Hannibal and "Bob" gathered round to take a look.
A tear formed in Elvis's eye as his beloved departed mother, Gladys,
smiled serenely up from the mottled surface of the glistening beef
patty. "Mama," he whispered. "I live in a golden palace with a
staff of dressed up gorillas. I have a television in the bathroom, a sofa made of bacon, and a world of pharmaceuticals at my disposal. We can have meatloaf and pie for every meal, if you'll only come back to me, Mama."
At this, Hannibal whipped out a straight razor and sliced off the tip
of Elvis' nose in disgust. "You are an ignorant and crude buffoon,"
said Dr. Lecter. "That's not your MOTHER on that chunk of meat,
hillbilly. That is a flawless rendering of a steaming mass of human
entrails. Glossy and viscous, the succulent ropy coils of intestines
and the spongy delicacy of the kidney. Not the ridiculous cow who
spawned you, I am certain of this. Wouldn't you say so, "Bob"?"
But "Bob", who knew that people are hopeful in nature, and will see
anything they want to see when presented with an abstraction, had
wandered off to the kitchen and discovered the only inescapable
truth, the one hard fact that could not be denied or misinterpreted, no matter how much a weak willed human wanted to believe there was magic and potential in a slab of used beef...
And that was that the gorillas were all jacking off into the mayonnaise. "Someone should tell those guys it's just grillmarks.
But it's nice to see that all apes will behave within their natures
eventually," said "Bob", laughing, and dropped his trousers to join
the fun.
The end! Happy Friday!