Fairy Tale Friday 35
One sunny
morning, Molly McButter woke up disemboweled! "What the fuck is
this? I don't have time for this shit," said Molly, and gathered
up her guts and ran out for help.
She first knocked on the door of Mrs. Dash's meth lab. "Things have changed since Mr. Dash got stabbed to death by that prostitute," thought Molly. Mrs. Dash answered, but upon seeing loose organs in a gaping, bloody hole, said "Oh, no. I'm on probation. One more hacked up girl in my house and it's prison rape forever for me. Your problem is that you don't know how to self-medicate." And she slammed the door on poor Molly McButter.
She ran to the next house and knocked, and Aunt Jemima came out, saying "Child, what is goin' on with your innards? I know your mama raised you better than to go walkin' around with yo insides on the outside!" But Molly pled with her, "Aunt Jemima, please help me! What am I going to do about my guts?"
"Well," she said, "Uncle Ben and I like to stew 'em until they nice and soft, an' serve over rice. You never tasted anything like it. Can't afford much meat anymore, since the recession." she said wistfully. "Just pancakes. Always pancakes."
Her expression darkened. "Say, why don't you come in? Mrs.
Butterworth been by, an' dropped off some o' that rich, buttery
flavor. I'll fix you some lunch!" But Molly saw the hungry gleam in her eye and the cast iron skillet hidden behind her back, and took her guts and ran, kicking her kidneys along on the road before her. "Your problem is, you don't recognize an opportunity for good eatin'!" Aunt Jemima called after her.
The blood loss was taking its toll, but she staggered on until she reached the next house, with giant asparagus stalk walls and a thatched leafy roof. It was the house of the Green Giant, and although his muscular green thighs were frightening to an innocent country girl like Molly, she knocked. The door creaked open, and a giant green head stooped down to greet her. "HO, HO, HO," he said.
"Green Giant, please help me, I woke up with my organs all over the place. I'm confused and scared. I beg of you, by the power of your artichoke hair and spinach-leaf minidress, put me back together!" "HO, HO, HO," said the Green Giant, and stepped aside to let her in. The world faded to white.
When she came to, she was strapped to a table, her organs were still out, and her butthole burned with the fire of a thousand suns. Through the blur of her vision, she could make out the grinning faces surrounding her - the Giant was there, of course, along with Mister Clean, and the Chore Boy, and the Michelin Man. All smiling salaciously. At the head of the table was The Cos, wearing a colorful sweater, and holding out a Jell-O Pudding Pop.
"Your problem," said The Cos, "is that we've all been fucking you, and you never even realized it. Have a puddin' pop, Rudy. It'll numb the pain. You might even learn to enjoy it. There's always room for Jell-O."
And her living nightmare began, as she was banged for all eternity, in every hole, by the trusted mascots in the Jolly Green Giant's One of a Kind Rape and Torture Dungeon With Butter Sauce.
The End! Happy Friday!
She first knocked on the door of Mrs. Dash's meth lab. "Things have changed since Mr. Dash got stabbed to death by that prostitute," thought Molly. Mrs. Dash answered, but upon seeing loose organs in a gaping, bloody hole, said "Oh, no. I'm on probation. One more hacked up girl in my house and it's prison rape forever for me. Your problem is that you don't know how to self-medicate." And she slammed the door on poor Molly McButter.
She ran to the next house and knocked, and Aunt Jemima came out, saying "Child, what is goin' on with your innards? I know your mama raised you better than to go walkin' around with yo insides on the outside!" But Molly pled with her, "Aunt Jemima, please help me! What am I going to do about my guts?"
"Well," she said, "Uncle Ben and I like to stew 'em until they nice and soft, an' serve over rice. You never tasted anything like it. Can't afford much meat anymore, since the recession." she said wistfully. "Just pancakes. Always pancakes."
Her expression darkened. "Say, why don't you come in? Mrs.
Butterworth been by, an' dropped off some o' that rich, buttery
flavor. I'll fix you some lunch!" But Molly saw the hungry gleam in her eye and the cast iron skillet hidden behind her back, and took her guts and ran, kicking her kidneys along on the road before her. "Your problem is, you don't recognize an opportunity for good eatin'!" Aunt Jemima called after her.
The blood loss was taking its toll, but she staggered on until she reached the next house, with giant asparagus stalk walls and a thatched leafy roof. It was the house of the Green Giant, and although his muscular green thighs were frightening to an innocent country girl like Molly, she knocked. The door creaked open, and a giant green head stooped down to greet her. "HO, HO, HO," he said.
"Green Giant, please help me, I woke up with my organs all over the place. I'm confused and scared. I beg of you, by the power of your artichoke hair and spinach-leaf minidress, put me back together!" "HO, HO, HO," said the Green Giant, and stepped aside to let her in. The world faded to white.
When she came to, she was strapped to a table, her organs were still out, and her butthole burned with the fire of a thousand suns. Through the blur of her vision, she could make out the grinning faces surrounding her - the Giant was there, of course, along with Mister Clean, and the Chore Boy, and the Michelin Man. All smiling salaciously. At the head of the table was The Cos, wearing a colorful sweater, and holding out a Jell-O Pudding Pop.
"Your problem," said The Cos, "is that we've all been fucking you, and you never even realized it. Have a puddin' pop, Rudy. It'll numb the pain. You might even learn to enjoy it. There's always room for Jell-O."
And her living nightmare began, as she was banged for all eternity, in every hole, by the trusted mascots in the Jolly Green Giant's One of a Kind Rape and Torture Dungeon With Butter Sauce.
The End! Happy Friday!