Othelia's Back Porch
Miss Othelia is
the oldest and wisest
person in the Holler, so out of
respect,
and because she saved Tater's bacon a time or two, we give her her own page.
and because she saved Tater's bacon a time or two, we give her her own page.
Angel Dancin' in the Machine Shop
by Loquatia P. Humbarton (Communicated to the editor by Miss Othelia)
Old Tom Rushton over to the machine shop in Fort Squashmeque builds him some nice machines. Builds 'em custom too, like if you have a geegaw thing you make, and you want something to go round and round, but not to and fro, to wrap all over it, Old Tom will find him some parts and make a machine that does that for you.
Those machines sometimes look a bit like a plywood Frankenstein monster met a hardware store nut & bolt aisle, but they usually work pretty good, and they do get the job done. And by god, there ain't nobody who can do more with reclaimed cardboard, duct tape, teflon sheeting, and an old Singer motor.
Now, if you want Old Tom to build you one of them machines, you'd best be thinking just what you want that machine to accomplish, and how much money you plan on spending to git from here to there. And god help you if you don't give him all the facts about them geegaws you're aiming to make.
"How many geegaws an hour will the machine make?" you ask.
"How many seeds are in the watermelon?" Old Tom will answer, with the beginning of a glint in his eye.
"Is the watermelon ripe yet, or is it just getting started?" his assistant will chime in.
"How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?" shouts out the lathe operator.
"Depends: they dancing a waltz, or is it a frolicky square dance?" calls Tom's wife from the office.
"Are they wearing tutus or leotards? That makes a difference," says Tom's daughter Alma from over near the shipping dock, "tutus take up more space."
"There's more seeds in them juicy watermelons than in them dry ones," muses Tom's assistant, who was starting to get hungry, beings as it's almost noon.
"Did you take clearance into account," questions the accountant, Ted, "you can't forget about the clearance each dancing angel needs."
"Girl angels are smaller, so maybe you can get more of them on the pin at a time than if some of the angels are fellers," posits Alma.
"Boy angels don't wear tutus, so they take up less space." argues back the lathe operator.
"Is the pin sharp, or has it gotten dull and flat from dancing angel feet?" say Hank from the hardware store, who stopped by to deliver some pieces and parts Tom was needin. "I've got a nice grinder over to the store we can use to sharpen it if you'd like."
"Are they big angels or little angels?" Old Tom's little granddaughter asks from the floor of the office, where she's playing with dolls that look suspiciously like cardboard angels with duct tape wings, "... and can I have some watermelon, please?"
Dammit, how big are them geegaws? Answer that, and open your wallet, and Old Tom'll make you a machine that will turn out more'n one an hour. Even a four year old can tell you that size matters.
I'd guess that more'n one customer didn't know how big they geegaws was, wouldn't you?
by Loquatia P. Humbarton (Communicated to the editor by Miss Othelia)
Old Tom Rushton over to the machine shop in Fort Squashmeque builds him some nice machines. Builds 'em custom too, like if you have a geegaw thing you make, and you want something to go round and round, but not to and fro, to wrap all over it, Old Tom will find him some parts and make a machine that does that for you.
Those machines sometimes look a bit like a plywood Frankenstein monster met a hardware store nut & bolt aisle, but they usually work pretty good, and they do get the job done. And by god, there ain't nobody who can do more with reclaimed cardboard, duct tape, teflon sheeting, and an old Singer motor.
Now, if you want Old Tom to build you one of them machines, you'd best be thinking just what you want that machine to accomplish, and how much money you plan on spending to git from here to there. And god help you if you don't give him all the facts about them geegaws you're aiming to make.
"How many geegaws an hour will the machine make?" you ask.
"How many seeds are in the watermelon?" Old Tom will answer, with the beginning of a glint in his eye.
"Is the watermelon ripe yet, or is it just getting started?" his assistant will chime in.
"How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?" shouts out the lathe operator.
"Depends: they dancing a waltz, or is it a frolicky square dance?" calls Tom's wife from the office.
"Are they wearing tutus or leotards? That makes a difference," says Tom's daughter Alma from over near the shipping dock, "tutus take up more space."
"There's more seeds in them juicy watermelons than in them dry ones," muses Tom's assistant, who was starting to get hungry, beings as it's almost noon.
"Did you take clearance into account," questions the accountant, Ted, "you can't forget about the clearance each dancing angel needs."
"Girl angels are smaller, so maybe you can get more of them on the pin at a time than if some of the angels are fellers," posits Alma.
"Boy angels don't wear tutus, so they take up less space." argues back the lathe operator.
"Is the pin sharp, or has it gotten dull and flat from dancing angel feet?" say Hank from the hardware store, who stopped by to deliver some pieces and parts Tom was needin. "I've got a nice grinder over to the store we can use to sharpen it if you'd like."
"Are they big angels or little angels?" Old Tom's little granddaughter asks from the floor of the office, where she's playing with dolls that look suspiciously like cardboard angels with duct tape wings, "... and can I have some watermelon, please?"
Dammit, how big are them geegaws? Answer that, and open your wallet, and Old Tom'll make you a machine that will turn out more'n one an hour. Even a four year old can tell you that size matters.
I'd guess that more'n one customer didn't know how big they geegaws was, wouldn't you?